Burning Man starts in 3 weeks...

If you've been to Burning Man, but for some bizzarre reason are not going back this year, you may find this amusing, even a relief. You won't be doing THAT again this year.

If you're going to Burning Man this year, especially for the first time, you may find it amusing AND daunting. Because Burning Man is a party AND a survival bootcamp.

For fun, here's a shot of our camp last year, after the first (of SIX) white-out dust storms...

If you don't give a @#*! about Burning Man, wait for the next post...

If you care desperately, going or not, here's a laugh or two...

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Alternatives to Burning Man
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Tear down your house. Put it in a truck. Drive 10 hours
in any direction. Put the house back together. Invite
everyone you meet to come over and party. When everyone
leaves, follow them back to their homes, drink all
their booze, and break things.

Paint your bike white. Stack all your fans in one corner
of your living room. Put on your most fabulous outfit.
Turn the fans on full blast. Dump a full vacuum cleaner
bag and a bag of flour in front of the fans. Hula-hoop &
spin yourself in circles for 6 hours. Then try to find
your bike.

Only use the toilet in a house that is at least 3 blocks
away. Drain all the water from the toilet. Only flush it
every 4 days. Hide all the toilet paper. Pitch your tent
next to the wall of speakers in a crowded, noisy club.
Go to sleep. Wake up 2 hours later in a 110+ degree tent.

Pay an escort of your affectional preference to not bathe
for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and
sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig; dance closely naked
with you, then say they have a lover back home at the
end of the night.

Visit a restaurant and pay them to let you alternate lying
in the walk-in freezer and sitting in the oven. Don't sleep
for 5 days. Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic/emotion
altering drugs. Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it. Buy a
new pair of favorite shoes. Throw one shoe away. Spend a
whole year rummaging through thrift stores for the
perfect,most outrageous costume. Forget where you put it.

Spend weeks preparing and freezing tasty, nutritious food
and then forget it in your trunk for a few days of 110
degree heat. Sprinkle dirty sand in all your food. Eat it
anyway - and like it. Snort baby powder & salt then pick
your boogers for a week.

Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or until
you think you are going to scream. Scream. Realize you'll
love the music for the rest of your life.

Get so drunk you can't recognize your own house. Walk
slowly around the block for 5 hours wrapped in x-mas lights.
Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of
your body. Forget how you did it. Don't go to a doctor. And
tell everybody else how cool it was.

Rent an RV and trash it. Mail $200 (price of average BM
ticket) to the Reno casino of your choice. Then spend $100
on food and don't eat it.

Spend thousands of dollars creating a deeply personal art
work. Hide it in a funhouse on the edge of the city. Blow
it up. Set up a DJ system downwind of a three alarm fire.
Play a short loop of drum'n'bass until the embers are cold.
Have a 3 a.m., soul-baring conversation with a drag nun in
platforms, a crocodile, and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell
if you're hallucinating.

Drive for 10 hours straight with a car full of drunk circus
clowns. Ride your bike blindfolded in a casino for 5 days on
acid. Wake up in a random Chucke Cheeze with someone named
Dust Bunny. Sit in traffic for hours.

Go to a museum. Find one of Salvador Dali's more disturbing
but beautiful paintings. Climb inside it. Move to San
Francisco...